Ten Reasons Why Oz is Better Than US, and Vice Versa.

1. People talk to each other in queues in the US. In fact, it seems mandatory. On the first count the US wins, on the second Oz—it's super friendly and I really enjoyed talking to people, but I hate to have to do it.
2. Fewer people in the States seem to smoke. Maybe there are just more people and so you don't notice, but the percentage seems lower. Perhaps it is because you have to pay for your own healthcare. This a win for the US—I am tired of walking through stinky man-made clouds on every sidewalk.
3. Melbourne has the best food. Possibly in the world if I may be so bold. One for Oz.
4. Ditto on the coffee.
5. The average US supermarket sells about twenty-eight varieties of pop tart. But sometimes it seems like that is all they sell. Overall diversity is lacking—unless you count peanut butter options, but I am not counting peanut butter options. (Eeough.) Draw.
6. The US has Walmart—supermarket-cum-department store on steroids and an in-depth study of American culture.
7. The US has phenomenal theme parks and squillions of them. The Gold Coast just doesn't compare.
8. Unexpectedly, some places in the States feel safer than Melbourne. New York for example. I know some places aren't, but have you been to Norlane, Broadie or Crown lately.
9. Accessable snow. The US has it is drafts, blizzards and flurries. You don't need a National Park Pass to get to it. You may unexpectedly find yourself driving in it though. I would just do like the guy we saw in Washington when it had been closed down by blizzard—cross-country ski to work. How cool!
10. America has Americans. I have been to America seven times (eek, I hadn't worked that out before) and stereotypes are stereotypes; people are people. I can't fault the sweetness and genuine loveliness of most people that I have met in my travels. Travelling always makes you think people are lovely, for the most part. It's because you feel lovely, I suspect. Compared to other places I have been, Americans are just as nice as everyone else. And its always the crazy, idiosyncratic, obsessive and just plain weird ones that I like the most.

Tally: Oz 2; US 5; Draw 3. Interesting. New York: I am available if you want me. I can be reached at 9 ...

Ten Americanisms We Did Hear.

1. 'Yuuu're Wwwellcome.' Everywhere, but particularly drawley between Florida and DC.
2. 'Wwwellcome to Missess Mac's.' Breakfast in Key Largo. Good-ish filter coffee (high compliment), and yummy potato casserole (a generic name for anything breakfast orientated that involves potatoes: this one was a creamy sort of grated potato patty).
3. 'COME ON IN!' Pizza restaurant in Satellite Beach. The owner welcomed you in with a gesture reminiscent of the Godfather welcoming you to a shootout where his drug trade benefits from your demise.
4. 'Where's my baseball bat?' Ditto. It was an exclamation to his conversations with the locals. Scary thing was he then readily produced said bat.
5. 'Freeee saaaample. Praaaline.' Charleston. This was as good a deal as the place who offered free coffee with use of the ATM machine. There is more to it than meets the eye I reckon. Re: ATM—crazy charges. Re: praline—addiction and subsequent purchase of large amount of praline.
6. 'Free to try, five to buy.' Valentines Eve. (The eve of public holidays are under-utilised). Fake perfume seller outside Macy's.
7. 'Ready for a refill.' Everywhere, and judging by the list of bad coffees, the answer is probably no.
8. 'Do you need your size?' I really wanted to get a pair of button-fly Levis, but ran screaming from this store, and others, in New York. I think shop attendants work on commision in the States. They attach themselves to you and hard seel from the moment you enter. I got asked this three times from the door to the rack. Eek. No button-fly jeans for me I am afraid.
9. 'The moving walkway ends now.' On a moving walkway about five hundred meters long, in and eeriely empty, snowed-in airport in DC, this message started as you boarded and repeated, separarted by a second's pause for the whole trip. That would probably have been okay except we had to ride the five hundred meters three times due to a wrong turn.
10. 'That's a rrrreeeallyy long walk/drive; you'll never make it all that way.' This statement applies to everything from a walk across a carpark to Walmart to a five hundred and thirty mile, one day drive from Charleston to Washington. My theory has always been (rather racially) that Americans believe legs are supplied to people by God in order that one can reach the pedals of one's automobile. But, you don't want to wear them out doing that either. Unless you are Dean Moriarty.

Ten Americanisms I Expected to Hear, and, if Heard, When.

1. Howdy Folks. Not heard
2. Y'all have a nice day. Not heard.
3. Awesome. Toast Cafe, Charleston, S.C.; assorted restaurants in Florida, South Carolina, D.C. and New York, as an expression that illustrated the waiting staff's confidence in your dining choices.
4. ... y'hear. Not heard.
5. Like, blah, blah, blah, like. Central Metro Station, Washington D.C.
6. Darn tootin'. Not heard.
7. I didn't vote for George Bush. Surprisingly, not heard.
8. Right on. Not heard.
9. Well I'll be darned. Not heard.
10. I believe in my constitutional right to bear arms. Not heard.