Ten Complaints About my Relationship With the Tax Man.

1. I don't think he really cares about me. I am just a tax file number to him.
2. It is not important to him to consider what's important to me. Shoes; the aquisition of beautiful shoes: these are not flippant matters. Other people get roads and baby-bonuses: this is just more proof that for him the only important people are road users (aka: petrol guzzling polluters who vote for him) and working families.
3. There is something about meeting up with him that always makes me late. About eleven months late at least. Maybe I just don't like him.
4. He doesn't understand me. That may be because we speak two different languages: Rational and irrational. They're still related?? Like French and Italian. I don't think he wants to understand me.
5. He only focuses on what I do and not who I am. No wonder he doesn't understand me. We are not our jobs—please tell me I am right in that. I can't be my job. I'll cry.
6. He wants to meet up every single year. I'm a busy person. I think that is a lot to ask. He doesn't give me enough space.
7. He has unrealistic expectations of what he wants from me. He wants things like group certificates (I don't know where the 'safe place' I put them is), receipts (they get systematically cleared from both my wallet and my email memory), bank interest (I don't find banks interesting) and a bit of organization. Luckily my stock broker is quite organised and so I tend to ride a little on his back. I present a beautiful folder with shares and dividends filed and alphabeticized, and in the back a handwritten piece of paper with the following: washed uniforms—dark wash/coloured wash, once a week, a dairy (crossed out) diary, $23.18 (ing), $4.36 (westpac), work said they would fax a copy of the gc on wednesday, oh, can I claim my True Crime novels (it's research into the criminal mind, in case a criminal mind calls), milk, dog food, oops wrong list.
8. Everything is 'by-the-book' with him. He's got no flexibility. How about chilling a little, man!
9. He is too involved with the State. I'm a communist. Opposites attract, I know, but then there are the three sacred cows: religion, politics and sex. I would also like to work for the Government (well, technically I do, but I am talking thought, not action, here), but I would like it to be for the 'other' Government. Like, I'd love to be a spy, but I don't want to spy for ASIO. I'd rather be in the French Foreign Legion (if it is still around) or the KGB (which apparently is). I don't know. Maybe I 'm just not a joiner.
10. He's blonde. I think I am more partial to brunettes. Maybe I could introduce him to B——. Although, there is also the fact that he is already married, with children. This was never going to work. Sorry.

Ten Business Style Approaches to Relationships—Small and Large.

1. Be courteous and polite: you dont whine (a lot), complain (to their face) or yell (often) at your work colleagues (usually).
2. Ensure all the things we celebrate Labour Day for are implemented—an eight-hour working day, sick leave, annual leave, carer's leave, doona days, equal pay and fair day's wage for a fair day's work.
3. Have regular meetings to make sure everyone knows where everyone else is at and what needs to be followed up and by whom.
4. Make sure communication is always crystal clear.
5. Play on your resume: make sure you highlight your best features and show what they will contribute to the workplace. But, once you have the job, don't fall back on your worst just because you feel comfy—no one is irreplaceable. Aim to always appear promotable.
6. Be honest. Dodgy is always the wrong foot.
7. Have a good work ethic. Do your part. Don't slack off. Step up to challenges that present themselves. Don't assume this will always be noticed for what it is and don't expect it—in the end it always seems that the only one who notices that you are good at what you do is you. Does anyone else's opinion matter?
8. If things don't seem to be working out for you, do all you can, proactively, to work it out. If it is still no good, get a new job. Staying will only make you sour and destroy your confidence.
9. Don't gossip. It is unprofessional.
10. Make sure you are abiding by the OH&S Rules and regulations. Don't let anyone get hurt.

Ten Ways to Get (Nearly) Sprung Having a Small 'r' with Someone that Other People May Know.

* Some of these may not have nearly happened. Some were avoided through fate, or a last minute panic that required standing around looking suspicious, trying to work out the best way to handle things inconspicuously.

1. Having a birthday lunch at the Pelican Pantry in Hastings.
2. Sharing a table at Villa and Hut at South Wharf.
3. Blogging a list of near misses on the World Wide Web.
4.Shopping at Coles in Balaclava.
5. Getting picked up after work at RV points 1, 2 or 3. Four is possibly a lot safer.
6. Meeting an old colleague at Chaddy, who, it turns out, has a partner whose mother just married the 'person who people may know's' senior work colleague. That takes some decoding.
7. Running into someone who knows your someone at duty free at the Airport—the one after customs. There is no coincedence that can explain that away believably.
8. Showing someone your holiday snaps.
9. Both being, coincedently, charged with offensive behaviour, skinny dipping at Point Cook Marine National Park.
10. Inappropriate touching in company.