Under Construction ...

Ten Meals to Make for Work by Shopping at Coles Ten Minutes Before You Start.

Under Construction ...

Ten Clerical Errors I have Made in Jobs.

*For those who are unfamiliar with the idiosyncrasies of creating a 'job', we type in the details for the dispatcher to read to the police vans, but once we hit the magic enter button, there is no going back and your work is out there for all to see.

1. Instead of 'Male poss by himself' (poss being an approved abbreviation of possibly);
    I wrote 'Male poos by himself'.
2. Instead of 'Her underwear is showing';
    I wrote 'Her underwear is smoking'.
3. Instead of 'The Elephant and Wheelbarrow';
    I wrote 'The Elephant and Wheelchairs'.
4. Instead of 'Over male dropping money under counter';
    I wrote 'Over male dropping money under cunter'.
5. Instead of writing 'flatmate';
    I wrote 'fat mate'.
6. Instead of writing 'boom gates';
    I wrote 'boom goats'.

Ten Ways You Know Aqua Crew was Working on Any Particular Day.

* Aqua is my work crew. Disaster finds us every time—we were working for each of the following days. It tends to raise the call volume somewhat, as you can imagine. I sometimes think where I work is literally Hell and, a la mode of Dante, Aqua is the forth (out of four) level, and I am not sure what I did to get there.

1. Melbourne gets hit by a super-cell hail storm that smashes windows and car windscreens, floods roads and houses, and puts everyone in the dark at three in the afternoon.
2. It's Black Saturday.
3. Melbourne has its Storm of the Century.
4. A few days later Melbourne has the Storm of the Century II.
5. Melbourne rocks in an earthquake.
6. Melbourne rocks in another earthquake.
7. A man throws his child off the Westgate Bridge.
8. Crimestoppers urges anyone who has seen a white van to call Triple Zero. Do you know how many white vans there are in Melbourne?
9. Zombie Shuffle. On the whole they're well behaved, but they sure are mucking up traffic.
10. Six youths break out of a high security facility and go on a bit of a rampage. Three million Melbournians believe they have seen them down the street.