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Ten Proofs-Positive That They are Making it All Up.

* There is a theory about my work that is very complicated. Try to stay with me here. We get paid by incoming call. To raise revenue, there are a group of people, hardly ever seen, who work from a back room in our building, whose job it is to make 'calls' to us that are basically just too ridiculous to be real. The jobs are so ridiculous that when they get to the people at the frontline they just cancel them and so 'real' jobs are not jeopardised. To justify themselves to management, thi group also performs a sort of training role. For this purpose there are microphones and cameras hidden in the backs of the white phones on our desks, thus pointing to the next desk around the pod. When you exacerbate about doing something wrong, they send you calls over and over for the same thing until you get it right, Also, they use these for inspiration for the jobs they have to make up: it is this latter influence that proves their existence and is catalogued forthwith. This is not a paranoid fantasy: It is too real for words. Here are the words anyway.

1. One day we were ridiculising about a white fluffy car called a Holden Merino. On a call close by I then heard someone saying 'There is no such car as a Holden Merino'. See?
2. We were talking about Max Brenner's hot chocolates in South Melbourne. My next job was on the corner of Clarendon and Dorset in South Melbourne. 'Outside Max Brenner's?' I asked. 'Exactly!' said the caller. Ha, ha, see?
3. After a discussion of the correct spelling of 'graffiti', my job list ran like this. Sus loiter, graffitiing something. Domestic, one party making rude graffiti about the other. Erratic driver, graffiti on his car. My house got graffitied last night. And so on. Are you getting this?