365 Top Ten Lists. This is my project for 2010.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Ten Things That it May be Inappropriate to do with Wifi Borrowed from a Cafe.

1. Download i-tunes. Takes a bit and download credit
2. Download Italian Lessons onto an i-pod. Ditto.
3. Download porn. That’s just wrong.
4. Researching somewhere to go for a cake. You are in a café for goodness sake: have one of theirs.
5. Purchase a coffee shop online—or at least research it. Especially if it is in the same area. Although, maybe the reason you are even considering buying a coffee shop is the bad standard of the one you are in. Either way, it is a conflict of interest.
6. Download The Shawshank Redemption over four hours while sitting on just one (arguably giant) mocha latte. The specificities included here give the appearance that these events may have occurred. This may be an illusion and all inappropriate actions may be mixed and matched to make it sound, well, more interesting than life.
7. Skype—loudly and annoyingly. It’s a level up from talking on your mobile.
8. And a level up again—have internet sexual relations.
9. Email the sanitation department about the bug you just saw scuttling past the kitchen door. Again there is an argument that this is deserved misuse. This is why ethics is such an irresolvable life question.
10. Walk out at the point where they are subtly hinting at closing by sweeping around you and placing chairs on tables, and stand outside finishing what you are doing while they faff around forgetting to disconnect from the web—that can take a while.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Under Construction ...

Ten Journeys That Take an Inordinate Number of Changes to Get There.

1. Melbourne to Cheltenham (UK): Melbourne-Kuala Lumpur-Dubai-London Heathrow Terminal Three-Hayes-Terminal Four-Terminal Three-Cheltenham.
2. Hay-on-Wye to Cheltenham: Hay-Ross-on-Wye-Hereford-Gloucester-Cheltenham.
3. Port Melbourne to Chadstone to Port Melbourne. On a particular day a few years ago this is the process that I had to follow to get from my home to Escape Travel in Chadstone and back: it made a five and a half hour working day into an eleven hour journey. Port Melbourne-taxi-bus stop outside MacDonalds in St Kilda for the bus that normally goes to Chadstone-realising the bus didn’t go on a Saturday-tram-Balaclava Rail Station (thought I would catch train to city again)-taxi (realised I didn’t have time)-Chadstone Flight Centre for the key-Chadstone Escape Travel (other side of Chaddy)(where the first client had a daughter in England who had been unable to get into her hotel an while walking around town had had a dead man fall from a bus onto her and was over her overseas trip already)-Bank Vault (near Flight Centre)(where there was a bag from a previous depositor stuck in the night vault and I had to call and wait for security to try and fix it, and then be recommended not to use it)-Escape Travel (leave the banking there)-Flight Centre-Bus Stop (for the world’s longest bus trip)-Box Hill Rail Station(where the train was thirty minutes away)-Box Hill Tram Stop-tram-Station Pier-home. OMG!

Monday, June 28, 2010

Ten Things Sheep See.

1. People going to the toilet in the open.
2. People sneak-sleeping. That is, people using sheepy type field to get a free nights sleep.
3. People picking their noses. Not me; other people.
4. People pulling fern fronds from out of their underwear that may or may not have got stuck there accidentally in number one.
5. People spitting out the accumulate snot caused by hayfever. again, sheep just told me about this, i haven't witnessed it first hand.
6. People singing Marilyn Monroe songs that are irretrievably stuck in their heads. Luckily, because Marilyn could not sing, most people tend to actually sound better and don't scare the sheep any more than they already are.
7. People scaring other sheep; they rationalise that they should be scared too.
8. People swearing and being blasphemous as they trip over holes on the field—and it's the nicest looking fields that usually have the worst holes.
9. Amazing views from the tops and treacherous sides of hills.
10. People who look like turtles with two fake front legs, grunting across their field 'for fun'. they think: 'Silly people. People really are quite silly.'

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Under Construction ...

Ten Q's I Need A's For.

1. Where do sesame seeds come from? You can't plant them and grow a sesame, can you? You don't pick them out or de-seed them when you eat a sesame? There isn't a big droopy flower called a Sesameflower?
2. Why is my compass upside down in England? Surely North is north no matter what hemisphere you are in?
3. Why are there different blood types? Do different dogs have different types of blood? It seems a little odd. It can’t be a survival of the fittest thing as we are all surviving regardless. Is it a way to protect some of us in case one of the types goes funny? Odd.

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Ten Things I Believed as a Kid.

1. I thought that eggs grew on egg-plants. The semantics worked for me.
2. I thought that if I held a stick tight, horizontally, with both hands, then I would be able to climb up on it and hold myself in the air. It did hurt my knuckles a lot when I worked out that this wasn't true.
3. I thought that when I had yet another bout of tonsillitis, my parents were so over it that when we got to the hospital, they just told me to get out and go in there: 'You'll be right?'. They were just going to leave me there. they weren't really—I was delirious and dreaming it apparently.
4. We had to have our dog put down because it ran into the street and bit someone, and then on the day my parents took it to the vet, another family said they would take it instead. I thought my parents were telling the truth. We all wept in the car one day when my poor mother eventually told us the real, true truth.
5. I thought that I could break my arm with a brick—deliberatly. I felt hard done by that I never got to go to hospital while all my siblings did. Self-arm-breaking takes an ability to negate the instict of the other arm to slow down on its swing with the brick. i don't apparently possess that ability. This thought is genetic. My mum tried to freeze her arm in the freezer to make it more shatterable. That apparently doesn't work either.
6. Remeber those roller skates that you could adjuct to any size, and you clipped to your normal shoes. I wish I still had mine. There was also another time when I wished I still had mine. I thought they had irretrievably been lost. It turned out to be one of those 'Put your stuff away or I am throwing it away moments.' I don't know if it works when the parent then hides the stuff in the pretense of it being thrown away, but the child just thinks it's missing. The lesson may not be learned. Ages later we found them again and celebrated our good luck. I dare say they got left lying around again. Maybe one day I will find them again. I promise this time I will put them away after playing with them. 7. I thought I was going to be watching a movie about a VW Beetle called Herbie at a nine year old's birthday party I was attending. Turned out to be a movie called Bug about cockroaches that set things on fire—like your head, when a bug gets onto the reciever of the phone and you answer a call. What were our parents doing? Probably drinking and putting their car keys in a large bowl, I'd say.

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Ten Crafty Ideas to Purloin.

1. Little teeny weeny birds made from scrap materials with buttons on threads that serve as feet. Cute as. Pin on back to make it into a brooch.

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Ten Places That Sound Divine to Rent as Seen on Shop Window Signs.

1. Cottage in Hay Castle.

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Ten Stunning Cotswold and Offa's Dyke Vistas.

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Ten 'I Say', Rather Silly British Place Names.

1. Old, Little and Chipping Sodbury.
2. North Nibley and Nibley Green.

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Ten Perfect Places From My Walk to Dance Naked for the Summer Solstice.

1. Cairn on the ridge between Pandy and Hay-on-Wye. There is every chance I is actually a sheepcote but up on a ridge above the rest of the world with views for ever, made of rustic stones in the beauty of nature, it is custom made.
2. In the ruins of the Tintern Abbey, with its amazing multiple views through windowless windows.

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Ten Badly Named Businesses.

1. Slow Painting. It may be a play on a Polish or similar surname of the painter, but it's a bad idea for a job that charges by the hour.
2. Fear Electricity. Will they allay your fears? Wouldn't it be No-Fear Electricity then? I'm really reluctant to call these guys in—they sound a little like mavericks.
3. Furphy Media Group. When you sell something with words (is that what a Media Group does?), do you really want to tell the word you’re fond of the odd little lie.

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Ten People Who Are the Biggest Fan in Their Own Fan Club.

1. Wesley. He wears a badge of himself for goodness sake. Some people think that he is just postmodern and it's irony, but you should have seen how vain he was the other night when we slept out in a field and he unfortunately got squashed slug on his coat. He was in the bathroom of the cafe we stopped at for an hour cleaning it out. . If you want to read a fine example of ‘me, me, me’, read his twitters.

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Ten Amazingly Rude People and Why Do They Think It Will Make a Difference.

1. The man on the seat near me on EK005, Dubai to Kuala Lumpur, who thought that yelling at a stewardess would get the plane off the ground faster. It just got everyone thinking what an arse he was.
2. Oh dear! I am writing this at work and so there is ample opportunity for people to be ‘exceptionally and unreasonably’ rude—although I struggle daily to work out why, regardless of stressful situations, people think that utter rudeness is conducive to asking for help. Situations relayed here are changed to protect the rude people involved. Told to me in a raised and hysterical voice, the caller will be calling back when her partner who is driving alcohol affected in a blue Nissan somewhere in the vicinity between here and there crashes and kills someone and it will be my fault as she wants police to search only on those criteria and without her giving any details that can allow police to get a location he would be going to, a name, or a registration number. Blue Nissans are probably not as numerous as this actual make/model and colour actually are.
3. A general work related rudeness comes from the verbally abusive who give incorrect names of the roads they are on, blaming the call taker for them failing to intersect with other roads and who are them flippantly dismissive of their own rudeness when they realise they were WRONG! Do I seem angry?

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Ten Impossible Things to Believe Before Breakfast.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Under Construction ...

Ten Really Quite Bad Excuses for a Plane Not Taking Off.

1. They are doing emergency repairs to the runaway. What kind of a repair requires planes to be stopped for only a couple of hours? I think anything that requires fixing on a runway takes longer than that to set—no?
2. They have to unload excess cargo because it is too hot for the plane to take off. It’s not a hot air balloon. Does flight depend on cold updrafts? Please don’t let it just be dependent on cold updrafts. I have a mystical belief in flight that I really don’t need to have de-mystified.
3. A staff member slept in. It must be the driver. Surely any other staff member is replaceable.
4. Security are attempting to remove a man who has drunk his duty free allowance between the gate and his seat. It’s always funnest in the US as the Marshals come on in force. But when it happens in New York, it can be hours before a take-off window opens up again.
5. The Cargo handlers are having to take extra time loading—with care, and possibly fear—a wild cat. A flight from Adelaide was apparently delayed due to cheetah loading issues. I think I would probably just say ‘yep, okay, I get that’, if I was to be told that was the reason for my delay.

Ten Film Reviews from EK409 and EK005. Oh, and the Planes on the Way Home Too.

1. Shutter Island: I am getting a greater appreciation of Leonardo, even though he is still short. This was one of those twisting tales where it is impossible to know what reality is, where there are levels of believability on which everyone has a different truth. Suspenseful and interesting.
2. The Men Who Stare at Goats: George Clooney played a really strange role. It is reminiscent of the Cohen(?) Brothers movie he was in Oh Brother Something (?)—an exaggerated caricature. It is meant to be based on a true story (more ?) about training tactics of the US government. It was quite bizarre—actually, ridiculous. But I enjoyed it. Clooney seems to like roles where he gets to have bigger teeth.
3. Wall-E: Wonderful movie with no discernable dialogue. Not having dialogue makes for an extended use of imagination: there is an amazing forth series Buffy episode which does the same thing. There may have been tears. There may have been an environmental subplot.
4. Alice in Wonderland: Great costumes, especially Alice’s which seem to get puffier and puffier as the show goes on. In Burton fashion this is a darker visit to Wonderland. Alice is older and it is her second visit. The Mad Hatter is sadder, the Red Queen is madder. Fabulous.
5. The Box: Horror movie where couples receive a box from a stranger and are offered a lot of money if they open it, but if they do someone will die. I don’t want to give away the plot but ultimately what goes around comes around and it is spooky because there is nothing that anyone can do to change fate. It does therefore make an interesting exploration of the idea of fate.
6. It’s Complicated: Love story: chick flick. I can’t even quite remember the plot—because it was complicated maybe. I think that she has an affair with her ex-husband. It was nice to see a movie about older people instead of young beautiful things. It had its moments.
7. The Lovely Bones: Watched partly on the way there and partly on the way back, this was a strange sort of movie and quite sad. The lives of her family fall slowly apart as the protagonist watches from the other side of death. I was pleasantly surprised by the story which was richer and more interesting than I imagined an ‘Oprah’s Book Club’ book to be.
8. The Tooth Fairy: A relatively funny/silly movie about a man who doesn’t believe in the tooth fairy and so has to become one for a while. Funny moments and a denouement meant he becomes a nicer person. Bit arghhh (my phonetic for the vomiting motion).
9. Date Night: Steve Corell(check) and Tina Fey go for date in the city and steal someone’s reservation. They spend the rest of the night trying to get out of the trouble they get into because of their false identities. There were some funny moments that only these two could have carried out—they are serious comedians.
10. The Last Station: Although this was recommended by a work colleague, I didn’t really feel like watching this: I am glad I did. Helen Mirren is a miracle. This was really about her and her trying to cope with the quiet madness of Tolstoyism. Brilliant and probably the best movie of all the ones I watched on my trip.

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Ten People I Will Talk to For You B——.

1. The guy in 39A. He's flying back to the UK after a weekend trip back to Midura for his Dad's sixtieth birthday. He decided last minute to do it and hasn't slept for days. This was great because it meant he slept the whole way on the plane and I was able to ease into this talking with people malarky at a slow pace. He is a civil engineer. Living in London on a high-skill visa. He lives in Kilburn—ah, remember those great Kilburn High Street op-shops. Has lived there for three years, but possible that his expiry date is coming to an end. May go live somewhere else though rather than going home. Name: not known.
2. A guy in the train—across the train-table from me—on the way to Bath. He was in a running club. Their moniker was a cross of some sort—I couldn’t really work out what he was talking about. He was embarrassed to wear it because it looked too much like a Nazi symbol. His friends got on the train later and he got all aloof. They were already wearing their shirts. I can see why he was embarrassed.
3. Couples who Holiday in Scotland and Montgomery I: Sitting in the bar I having dinner and my favourite pint of blackcurrant juice and lemonade, I spoke for a while for this odd little couple who holiday in both Scotland and Montgomery. She was statuesquely tall and quiet an imposing woman; he was small and quiet dotty. Very odd couple. They were here instead of there because Scotland is having a really rainy year and the midges are out of control. Stop scaring me about my next trip people! It sounded like all they do is go between. I must be missing something about the attraction of Montgomery.
4. Couples who Holiday in Scotland and Montgomery II: This couple caught me on the way out of the bar area and back to my room. They had a wacky little wiry dog that accosted every passer-by. This hotel is famous for allowing people to bring their dogs. Spoke to them for a while. They were also here because there was too thripy and wet. He had spent a bit of time in the merchant navy and so in Melbourne—he raved about St Kilda.
5. A lady also travelling OD solo. I had seen her days before when I stopped along the side of the road for a drink and an attempt at stilling the chaos of hayfever in my head. No one has as much stuff as me. She was doing really well with a tiny pack and a fast pace. But she wasn’t even sending her gear ahead—her tiny pack was all she had. I suppose if I have no bivvy, sleeping bag or roll mat my pack would be so much smaller or so much more filled with other stuff. She was at the hotel in Montgomery. That was a busy night. I chatted to her there too. She had decided that this was too much unlike a holiday for her and so the rest of her holiday was going to be going around Welshpool on the side of leisure. The next day I found her on the side of the road in Forden II waiting for the bus: it wasn’t even worth the walk in the rain (it was a hard slog, but also quite an amazing space she missed out on).
6. The guy with the two dogs along the Canal who recommended the Red Lion in Ellesmere. I would also have recommended it from just the views of the downstairs areas. Upstairs was a different matter. It was the most ickey hotel I stayed in for the whole trip.
7. In Llangattock Lingoed I pushed myself onto a table for breakfast with a male who is out to run up a mountain. There was nowhere else to sit. He spoke about forest fires a lot and said the word gorse about three million times in ten sentences.
8. Man offering eighty-five pence coffee and biscuits along the Severn to OD walkers. It was such a great idea and such a wacky place. You rang a bell and either the owner or his wife came out and offered you tea or coffee. While you waited his mad chickens pecked you for tit-bits. He was mad about statistics and turning them around: if eight per cent of accidents are caused by drunk drivers, then ninety-two per cent are caused by sober drivers—it would be better if all drivers were drunk. He had gone to a lot of trouble for walkers, converting a sun room into a bathroom and sitting area so people could sit in when it rained and had somewhere to use the bathroom (nice). He had had someone early on, when they first moved in, that he found with a blown-out knee and who wouldn’t stop for help. They also had other people stopping in for water. It did them no damage to put out the sign and so if they were home they did: they figured it would help people either way and the eighty-five pence covered their costs.
9. Neil. I was desperately trying to find somewhere to stay but couldn’t find any ‘centers of civilisation’. I ended up finding a pub and going in to ask them if they knew of any B&Bs. The landlord was getting shirty with his staff member trying to assist. Neil took over. There was a B&B back at the start of town. He went outside and called the B&B and then ran me downtown. I had to walk back the same way the next day but it was a great room in a nunnery and I had a roof over my head.

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Ten Things Possibly More Annoying Than a Vuvuzela.

* Vuvuzela: an annoying stadium trumpet played at World events such as the FIFA World Cup; producing a continual and tuneless drone.

1. Getting on the train going the wrong way from Heathrow after a twenty-four hour flight and ending up in Hayes and Harlington at midnight, necessitating a taxi ride back to the hotel I had booked so that I wouldn’t have to faff around when I got there. Hmmm!
2. Having a male standing so close behind you, in a very long immigration queue, that you can feel his stomach in the small of your back. I was livid. I ended up having words and having to drag my bag behind me in the queue so he wouldn’t come closer. It wasn’t like he wasn’t with his girlfriend. It was a cultural thing—but that was just out of line and it still makes me mad now!
3. Work—plainly and simply. People: take some responsibility for your own actions and stupidity, and, think! You are a travesty. (Written on a day when the public is particularly atrocious!!!)
4. Balinese horn tooters and purveyors of timeshare; Balinese sellers of watches, t-shirts and massages; Balinese organisers of transport, tours and taxis.
5. The ‘Budget, Budget’ ad. I can’t help repeating myself with this one. They won’t stop playing it and it ‘does my head in’. I was reading my French-English dictionary the other day (as you do) and saw ‘bouche’ (pronounced ‘Budget’ as in ‘Budget, Budget’. I sing that now instead as it is the French word for ‘mouth’.

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Ten Best Ever SJP/SATC outfits.

* SJP=Sara Jessica Parker.
** SATC=Sex and The City.
*** Possibly the majority of them will come from the last few episodes of the last series. This is for two reasons: they are the least dated and they are the most funded. There is no way that a real person could afford all of those outfits—apparently she wore the same outfit only once, but that may have been a myth.

1. The red and black spotty dress she wears in the café in Paris where she turns and finds herself facing a dog.

Ten Sensible Suggestions to Facilitate Calling Triple Zero (or Negating Its Necessity).

1. Give all staff at Maccas, 7/11, or any petrol station a small card that lists the address and telephone number of the business, their name if necessary, and the situations under which it is justifiable to hit the Hold-Up Alarm button (a hold-up for example).
2. Get all drivers to pre-pay for their petrol, and all taxi passengers to pre-pay for their fare. End of story, that's it, no exception.
3. Charge for the services of the police. When tax time comes around, and if your complaint was genuine, you get your money back. I know—fraught with danger,but a brilliant idea nonetheless.
4. Equip mobile phones with a GPS device that tells the caller where they are in large, readable type that comes up on the screen every time 000 is called.
5. If you don't have credit and you don't have a sim card—your phone doesn't work. We actually did survive quite well before we were all too cheap to get a land line and too lazy to go to the public phone.
6. Get some balls for judges. They have those fake ones for dogs—maybe they can use those. They are probably a lot like breast implants. If people have to actually pay for their crimes, maybe they will not commit them and then fewer calls would come through to 000, the people who called would be more respectful, and the police would be able to attend to all the jobs which would all be worthwhile and worthy requests for police.
7. Somehow, I am not sure how, but somehow, if we could get people to take ownership of their own s#!t, then people wouldn’t need to call the police to wade through it.
8. Educate the public as to what an ‘emergency’ actually is. An emergency is not that you need the phone number for the police station, or, that a bird pooped on your bed and you need to call a vet because you did what? to it, or, that you need a lift home.
9. Make sure the name of the exit road on any given freeway, highway or road longer than a block is on a sign—this would reduce job times by about half.
10. Have a non-emergency emergency line for thefts and other over the phone handling kind of things that are not-urgent urgent.

Ten Things to Do With Eighty-Three Hairpins.

* Thanks be to F—— who inspired this list with the eighty-three hairpins found in her black-tie outfit's hairdo.

1. Make fine and filigreed jewelery.
2. Make a delicate and intricate sculpture.
3. Pot stands and coasters ... This is beginning to sound a lot like another list pertaining to used bicycle chains.
4. Sell the set on e-bay—see how much you can get for it.You could sell it like this: 'Set of eighty-five hairpins: Incomplete.'
5. Chain-mail. If it is not enough for a vest or doublet type garment, you could make a nice chain-mail tea cosy.
6. Measuring tape. Hi, I'm after a heater that can fit into a 75x50x10 hairpin space please.
7. Decorative picket fences in the little tiny pots of cacti that almost everyone in the known universe has in their kitchen window.
8. Re-usable skewers for hors d'oeuvres: one mini pickled onion, one cube cheese, one slice kabana; one cherry tomato, one folded piece of salami, one piece pickled pepper; one cherry, one strawberry, one slice sponge finger.
9. Pins for sewing that doesn’t make holes in your delicate fabrics.
10. A very complicated hair-do.

Ten Dodgy Reasons for Going Home Early From Work.

1. The dodgy milk from the dodgy milk fridge has turned my tummy.
2. My ears are blocked. This isn’t that dodgy when your whole working life depends on listening.
3. I’m feeling ‘emotional’. Workplaces don’t put enough emphasis on mental health—I think occasionally going ‘sick’ for emotional reasons is a way to help everyone’s mental health through a program of awareness.
4. I’ve got a headache from my sore tooth. No, I am not going to the dentist.
5. I’m running out of days to pick up my shoes from the post office before they send them back to IC.
6. I really need to burp. Why are you all so judgmental? I can hear what you are thinking. Burping, or the need to burp, is a painful experience for me. It’s not dodgy, it just sounds dodgy.
7. Dodgy tuna sandwich. I am afraid of sandwich day at work now.
8. I think I’m getting a cold. (It’s probably hay fever.)
9. There is a lump on my hand and it hurts to use the mouse. If I don’t leave now, I’ll end up with carpel tunnel.
10. My bad attitude is transferring itself onto the clients—it is my civic duty to go home because bad attitude on both ends of the phone does no one any good.

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Ten Things I Would live to Write my Thesis About.

1. Huff, The World according to Garp and mothers.
2. Buffy the Vampire Slayer—I know it is done to a non-dying, zombie-like death, but I could have found a new way to look at it.
3. Angels and Demons and another science/religious text along the lines of Gut Symmetry (I’ve done that too many times even though I love it) about the co-existence of scientific and religious beginnings and explanations of the way of the world.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Ten Large Loads Sighted From My Bedroom Window Between 0300 and 0500 Any Given Morning.

1. House on a truck.
2. Large boats on trucks.
3. Things that look like a car battery on steroids.
4. Huge cogs and wheels.
5. Bell shaped silo thingys.
6. Enormous cranes that need driving on the wrong side to get around the corner.
7. Super long girders that require a truck being split in half so each end can hold one end of the girder.
8. Story high rolls of wrist thick black cable.
9. I saw a load the other night that was so large, so amazingly enormous, that it was pulled by two truck engines and pushed by another, required all the road hardware to be removed prior to its arrival (a noisy project at three am), and, went so slow that it was accompanied by road crew that were able to walk beside it. It was an extremely large tractor. It was the most exciting large load I ever did see.
10. Swimming pools—empty of course, and usually sideways so you can see their interesting contours.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

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Ten Iconic or Famous Beavers.

1. Wesley. You may wander why he is an icon. Why not? He has traveled the world (well England and the States), he exudes beaverness, he is proud and loud to be a beaver—he even has his own website. He's a legend.
2. Norbert and Daggett Beaver, also known as the Angry Beavers. Two brothers leave the nest when their mother's next litter is born, and face all sorts of troubles in their dam. They've got some great lines: Desperate times call for desperate desperateness (I agree); Where in the name of deus ex machina did that T-Rex come from? (I love references to deus ex machinas in films: parody, like Dodgeball—very funny).
3. Leave it to Beaver. I never really watched it, but he is definitely famous for being cheesy and getting away with it with just a small fable-like word of discipline. It would be an interesting study though in the way it incorporates anti-Russian feeling. Who needs history book to study history?

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Ten Puppies I Have Fallen Love With on the RSPCA Website.

* When they take that photo from above with a lovely puppy face full of expectation looking up at you, how can you ever be able to walk away with just one—I am judging all these lovelies by their covers and I bet I wont be wrong.

1. Rabbit. Rabbit was a shy little man with the most silly face in the universe. I would have jumped in a taxi to go out and get him the minute I saw him, but it was only a few days before going to Europe—why am I even looking? Someone adopted him and he will be having a lovely life I just know it. He was a Jack Russell cross.
2. Lexie, Ruskie and Saxon. These are three little pale and sun weary American Bulldogs with the sweetest faces and all deaf.It breaks my heart to look at these lovely little people on this site and the horrible predicament they find themselves in. Thank god (and I don't believe in him or her) that there are enough people in the world who, despite obvious evidence to the contrary, will rescue these amazingly lovely anials rather than spending the big bucks on supporting the evil puppy farms. You guys would be the bee's knees of love wouldn't you.

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Ten Think Tank Inspirations.

1. This is a repeat idea, but obviously good enough to repeat—if I do say so myself. Get people to pay for using police. I know you bleeding hearts will go on about civic rights and soon and so forth, but what about the civic rights of police, and what about respect. Treat ‘em mean and keep ‘em keen. People will appreciate and respect the police more if they are not so ‘customer service’ orientated. This is, of course, my opinion only. P.s: where police is legitimately required, clients can claim the costs back on their tax.
2. Polluting companies could pay for the fact that they pollute. Hear me out. I heard a great idea where a company that both extracts water from a river and outputs waste into the same river should have their output pipes above river from their extraction pipes. That way they are the direct recipients of any thing they do wrong. It is the most magnificent idea ever. I may have also written about this one elsewhere. Good ideas are hard to keep down. They also seem hard to implement.

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Ten Things I Hate About You VCAT.

1.You give the illusion that fairness exists, that the little man can go up against the greedy man and have a chance of a fair go. It is just an illusion. The man with the money always wins.

Ten Reasons Humans are Loathsome, or, Why I Hated Being at Work Yesterday.

1. They do horrible things to each other.
2. They are selfish.
3. They are incapable of empathising, of putting themselves in anybody elses shoes.
4. They are impatient.
5. They are stupid—even some of the smarter ones.
6. They have a warped sense of entitlement.
7. They are narrow minded.
8. They are scared of how everything affectes them.
9. They are rude.
10. They get a sense of enjoyment out of others being less fortunate than they.

P.s: This is just a normal day at work; I just wasn't in the right frame of mind to cope with it.

Ten Welcomes to Winter.

1. Welcome to crispy mornings.
2. Welcome to fogs on the footy ground when I walk to or from work.
3. Welcome back to my doona and lots of extra blankets: that heavy feeling holding you tightly to your bed at night.
4. Welcome to cold noses and ears.
5. Welcome to white breaths on morning walks.
6. Welcome to empty beaches and welcome back to doggies.
7. Welcome to rugging up in coats and scarfs and hats and wooly jumpers and gloves and gumboots.
8. Welcome to soups and stews and hot chocolates with marshmallows.
9. Welcome back to people being too cold to get into trouble and call 000.
10. Welcome to nights of foggy beauty where street lights are islands and cars are moving lighthouses, sweeping the streets with their beams, and you're all alone in a magical world of your own making.