365 Top Ten Lists. This is my project for 2010.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Ten Natural Phenomena I Would Like to See Before I Return to Natural Phenomena Myself.

1. The Northern or Southern Lights (again). Good chance with the recent sun explosions at the moment—have to keep my eyes peeled.
2.Australian Roll Cloud. Port Douglas did not deliver as I hoped she would. Means I will have to visit FNQ again—damn!
3. Water in Lake Eyre and hundreds of millions of birds visiting.
4. An Ice Storm—or its after effects.
5. Tierra Del Fuego—just coz it's so far away.
6. The fjords of Scandanavia—top to bottom.
7. The deserts of the United States: Mojave, Painted, Death Valley, to name a couple.
8. Mt Kilimanjaro and the migration.
9. Monarch butterflies, big Sur and Californian Redwoods.
10. Hot springs in Japan in the middle of winter.

Under Construction ...

Ten Reasons Methinks I am an Over-achiever—or an Over-aimer at Least.

1. I was seriously unhappy when I received a ‘Good’ for ‘Appearance’ in my annual review. The reason that was given was that someone who wears gumboots to work can’t be seen as professionally ‘Excellent’. But now I think about it, I only wear them on free dress day, when others wear sneakers and items of clothing far less funky … ultimately, I’m still not happy with that ‘Good’.
2. I still, to this day get sad when I look at my University transcript and see that one C. It mars all the other D’s (not overly happy) and HD’s (okay).
3. I was upset when there was criticism over my semi-colon use in the editing of my final draft of my thesis. I seemed oblivious to the fact that there was hardly any criticism of the actually things being said. I like semi-colons.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Ten Name Possibilities for the L'il Lass Who'll Shortly be a New Flatmate at Four P——.

1. Gramma. I really like this but it isn't meeting with possible consensus. There is debate whether is sounds too formal for a puppster who may be a bit 'bogan-y'; too much like Grandma. My theory is that I love punctuation, but that is a silly name, and although Bodhi was the perfect comma, maybe this lass won't lie down in a punctuation mark.
2. Paisley. I still like it. She has funny back legs that look like paisleys—they also look like inverted commas come to think of it.
3. Tuesday. This along with September are the names I would have given my girls if I ever had children. There is no reason why they should go to waste.
4. Cydney. I like the shortening to Cyd. It has an old Hollywood feel. It is also the heroine of the best romantic comedy of all time. The association with my home city's rival is a little bit of a stickler though.
5. Summa. She is sunshiny. She also has a warm, reddish coat.
6. Augusta (aka Augie). August for her time to come to us, also possibly her birthday seeing as she is described as one year old. There is something nice about the sound of Augie. It also means there is an A, B, C to Four P——.
7. Olive. I like it when dogs have ordinary people's names. She seems quite like an Olive to me.
8. Persia. Another aurally pleasing word—I love the 'sja' sound. Exotic too.
9. Helen. I know you made fun of it, but in a way Helen is a great name for a beautiful lady, a lady whose face launched a thousand ships.
10. Tree. My first cat's name was Tail. It has a lovely simplicity, an intrinsic connection, and an alluring abstraction about it.

The final decision: Via a dog named Sandwiches, in a book about Staffordshire: Lollipop.

Under Construction ...

Ten Alternate Modes of Travel/Commuting—Food for Thought.

1. Roller skating or blading. I saw a man doing it up a mountain in Switzerland but I don’t trust my stopping abilities. I think old-style carhop skating in the States would be a good option—especially all kitted up. In fact I like the idea a lot.
2. Canoeing. Seeing as I am a tad bad at getting back in if I can’t touch the bottom, skirting around islands, countries or continents may be the way to go here.
3. Pogo Stick. I am not one hundred per cent convinced this will ever happen, but I see myself doing it a more mountainous type of an area. Also somewhere wacky. The Netherlands and Belgium would score on one of those criterions, Japan on both.
4. Random, next available public transport option. Seeing as this is random and unplanable, there is no geographical boundary. Start at home, and hope you don’t come across visa issues.
5. Uni-cycle. I think this mode of transport would work well for countries where Circus is big: Australia, Canada, Russia.
6. Thematically. Follow a story, an author or an obsession. It’s not a new idea; the key is to just come up with a new not-a-new-idea to follow.
7. Alphabetically. Travel to a country and then go to all the towns that start with the letter it starts with; a letter of your own choosing; alphabetically; whose first letters spell your name; whose third letters spell out War and Peace—make up your own alphabetical rules.

Under Construction ...

Ten Books In A Fortnight.

1. Angels and Demons; Dan Brown.
2. Auto de Fay; Fay Weldon.
3. Deadly Decisions; Kathy Reichs.
4. Fairyland; Sumner Locke Elliot.
5. Gallows View; Peter Robinson.
6. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo; Steig Larsson.
7. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone; JK Rowling.
8. House of Sand and Fog; Andre Dubus III.

Ten Things V—— Deludedly Thinks are Semi-Okay About C——

Guest List

Courtesy of V——.

1. Her honesty
2. Her Beautiful soul
3. Her humour
4. Her wackiness
5. Her shoe collection
6. Her book collection
7. Her scopa playing ability
8. Her cooking ability
9. Her analytical skills
10. Her compassion and understanding.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Under Construction ...

Ten Monologues a Certain Person Starting With V is Mildly Obsessed With Performing.

1. The infinity of space, the immense size of space and it unfathomable emptiness.
2. The importance of living for the Now.
3. Part-less particles—do not start, don’t ask, don’t even look vaguely interested.
4. Why young girls smoke. Ask him to do his smoking imitation—it’s uncanny for someone who doesn’t smoke. Someone has been awfully vigilant in their awareness of the habits of others.
5. ‘I was waiting at the lights on a one way street and this woman turns into the street the wrong way. She had to mount the curb to get past me. I rolled the window down: I just wanted to tell her in case she didn’t realise. I said, “Did you realise that this is a one-way street?” I wasn’t shouting; I wasn’t rude. And you know what she said, and she said it like this, “Fuck off” (normal volume, slowly enunciated, upward inflection on the end). “Fuck off.” Just like that, and she carries on driving. Just like that: “Fuck off.”’
6. ‘When he started working we all called him X, that’s what it said on his application form. Then one day I am speaking to him and he’s ignoring me. Eventually he turns around and says: “My name’s Y not X”. It was always X; where did Y come from? One day he was X and now he is Y. I don’t understand.

Under Construction ...

Ten Ways to Annoy a Man at Breakfast.

1. Put everything behind three glass sliding doors which work in such a way that when someone opens one door, it blocks access for the other two and slows down the whole breakfast Congo line.
2. Make him a very weak latte.
3. Have breakfast with other people who hog, selfishly and without merit, the whole six slice toaster for two slices of toast.

Ten Bizarre Ice Cream Flavours Manufactured in Daintree Ice Cream Factories That Don't Exist.

* I'll leave it up to your semantic interpretation as to whether it is the ice-cream flavours or the ice-cream factories that don't exist.

1. Carrot Cake. With carrot, cream cheese, lemon and walnuts.
2. Jam Donut. Not what you think, this isnt a matter of going to the South Melbourne Market, getting a couple of donuts, dunking them in cream and freezing them. Rather this is Baileys and Chambord swirls in a vanilla ice-cream. Named after the shooter (the drink not the gunman).
3. Bouquet. Mix vanilla ice-cream with you favourite edible flowers. I rather fancy rose, impatiens and fuchsia ice-cream.
4. Beer and beer nut ice cream.
5. Tequila, lime and the tequila worm.
6. Red bull gelato.
7. Beetroot. Great colour.
8. Caramel popcorn—although probably need to eat it quickly so it doesn’t lose its texture.
9. Sherbet bombs. The sherbet in little crackling parcels so there is a little explosion when you chew (if you can chew ice cream that is)—like that magic fizzing, crackling stuff you used to have as a child.
10. Fudge and rock salt. Make the ice cream sweet and fudgey and then have the salt as solid pieces so there is the shock of the salty crunch that offsets any sickly sweetness.

Under Construction ...

Ten Ways Authors Re-Work Who the 'Detective' is in Murder-Mysteries.

Ten Creative Beach Activities.

1. Yoga.
2. Sand castles made with household appliances.
3. Writing in the sand.
4. iSpy—written in the current penchant for the little ‘i’ and large next letter to make it seem like a funky new version of an age-old game.
5. Making up stories about other beach users.
6. Making seaweed daisy-chains.
7. Sorting starfish into colour-coded pools, only to come out the next day and find the poor things have wandered slowly back to their original pools.
8. Waterside theatre: bring your Shakespeare or your Byron or your own prosings or poetings and entertain your fellow beachgoers. I am sure they will be appreciative.
9. Try to emulate the sand sculptures at Docklands or Franger. We used to do a fairly good racing car in our days, a sort-of Herbie-like vehicle with number in a round disk that you could climb into and drive. It would take hours.
10. Message Frisbee, or, Tell-a-Tale Frisbee. People write a note or a message or the next line of a story on a piece of paper taped inside a Frisbee, and then throw it on down the beach.

Ten Matters to Consider on the Pros and Cons of Purchasing a Seventy Grand, One-Bedroom Apartment in Port Douglas.

1. The weather—perpetual warmth will drive me crazy.
2. The moisture—my clothes and shoes and books and furniture and bread with get mouldy.
3. Can I take police calls from up there?
4. Why is it SO cheap? Built on a marsh? In the migration flight path of Dengue Fever carrying mosquitoes? Have to hand the lease back in three years’ time?
5. Good entry point into the market—unless, of course, any of the options in number four are true.
6. Can I live in such a small space?
7. Do they allow dogs?
8. Queensland politics, culture, coffee. Not sure if I can cope. It’s just not Melbourne.
9. Tourists. Pro: Rent it out. Cons: They’re there.
10. Technically, you would be closer to the rest of the world; practically, you’d be further away.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Ten Agenda Items For The Minutes Following my Feet Hitting Melbourne Soil.

1. Shop for perfumes at Duty Free.
2. Facilitate a quick escape from Immigration.
3. Clean my teeth.
4. Use a loo that doesn’t have undefined or undefinable spills on the floor.
5. Try to locate where my poles will come out in the luggage area.
6. Hope my boy is out there—otherwise surprise him in our room.
7. Coffee!!!!
8. Stretch and hope that a clot doesn’t come off the feeling in my leg and travel to my heart of brain—and if it has to do one could it please go to my heart because I would rather go out gracefully with a heart attack.
9. Shower off the plane fug.
10. Sleep!

Ten Fabulous Features of the A380.

1. There are eighty-eight rows—just on the bottom level.
2. Unlike every other Emirates flight I have taken on this holiday, I could put my feet flat on the floor instead of just balancing one foot precariously on top of the other in its tippy-toe position.
3. Thousands (nearly) of movies.
4. The cool factor. How much street cred’ have I received from airplane aficionados over my flight on this plane?
5. The wow factor. How on earth can this thing ever take off from the ground?
6. It is all new and shiny—and not the shiny you get when too many heads have rubbed against a surface.
7. A modicum of extra leg room.
8. If you want to stretch your legs, you can walk for miles.
9. There is a thrill, as the plane thunders down the runway, as to whether we will ever actually get off the ground.
10. The time taken to reach cruising altitude is forever, you can have the feeling of climbing and climbing ‘til infinity.

Under Construction ...

Ten London Shops I Had to Run Screaming From Due to Extreme Busyness.

1. … and most scaringly, Irregular Choice. I didn’t, to my eternal disappointment, really get to properly try on my shoes in leisure. It was a combination of too busy and too excited. Now I don’t fit into them all. This is a lesson both well and hard learnt.
2. Primark. I seem to have this reaction every time in Primark. I really cannot get out of there fast enough. It’s a combination of too many people and too much stuff—an assault of the senses.
3. Schuh. Wow. I wish I could have attended on a day when there was no-one there. They had a million fabulous brands on schuh on display, including Irregular Choice. I actually did try on—properly—and buy a pair of IC’s from there.
4. Zara. The normally sedate and stylish(ish) store, in Sale Time, is no different from any other place of insanity along Oxford Street. Too busy to look at anything if you are not a die-hard shopper with a suit of emotional shopping armour.
5. Accessorize. It’s hard when the store is busy, but what about when it is three meters by one meter with a staircase into a basement. And I think it had a comparable number of people in it, regardless.
6. Waterstone’s. This was an unexpectedly quieter (by comparison) shopping experience and I even bought something (a Marquis de Sade, which in turn I was too nervous to actually take on the plane—not sure why).
7. John Lewis Department Store. Eek. Although the anonymousness of the department store is always an easier experience.

Under Construction ...

Ten Cotswold Sights from a HHO.

Ten Clouds or Cloud Phenomena Spotted on This Holiday.

1. Sun dog. That is so-o-ooo-oo exiting.
2. A thousand stunning cumuli.
3. Stratocumulus—of course, when don’t you when on holiday in summer in Europe.
4. Beautiful fishbone cirrus.
5. Cirrocumulus.
6. Duplicatus: not surprising with all the different winds whipping things up.
7. Contrails to and from one of the world’s busiest airports.
8. Crepuscular rays.
9. Altocumulus.
10. Fibratus. (Should have photographed, it’s missing from the collection—same applied for the sun dog, but that requires having camera at the ready twenty-four/seven).

Ten Greatest Memories of my 2010 Big Holiday.

* For more details of any given memory on this list, you could check out my other blog, ‘LeJog’, but in the spirit of my blogs, the one you actually want to look into may be ‘Under Construction’.

1. Lots and lots of cute dogs and their fanatical owners.
2. Saving the sheep from the Montgomery Canal.
3. Walking along the Ridge. Amazing to be up over the rest of the world in a country of fifty-odd million people and feel (almost) alone.
4. The canals. I am a canal and a canal boat kind-a girl. Plus, on the walking side, it’s lovely and flat.
5. Lots of fabulous and mad road trips with A——.
6. Chatting to people along the way. One, it gets me out of my comfort zone, and two, it is a little empowering to explain your exploits. It makes you feel a little good about yourself.
7. Walking around the city walls of Chester and rhino-spotting. It was a great walk although having a little more fuel would have been a good idea.
8. The Another Place artwork. The space made it so amazing. I would have loved to be able to see the emergence of the figures from the water but I didn’t have/make time. To me the wind farm in the background and the busy shipping channel between the two made it a complete work. The farm and the ships—inorganic forms—moved while the human, organic forms stayed still and watched. It was moving.
9. Getting happy at the Cavern Club. I did have a momentary eek moment when I troddled out onto the street in a tipsy condition and couldn’t quite work out what direction the hotel was in. It was tipsy enough to require pizza.
10. Pushing myself up some of those crazy hills, with an arguably heavier pack, a no-need-to-argue worse ankle, a million and three horsefly bites, to get to four hundred and one point five kilometers.

Under Construction ...

Ten 'Another Place' Men, Their Stories, and How They Ended Up On Crosby Beach.

1. Shawn: One morning, very early, Shawn’s neighbours started pouring concrete. The trucks beeped as they backed up, the workman chatted and laughed over their Styrofoam lattes, a car radio played the Bangle’s ‘Manic Monday’. There was no reason to stay in bed—sleep was long gone—and so Shawn walked down to the Esplanade and stood in the sand looking out to the windmills and the freighters sliding into the river mouth, Liverpool-bound. His tiredness seeped from his body into the sand and sleep came forever.
2. John: John is eighty-three. He used to live around here somewhere—it is just really difficult to put his finger on where exactly. He remembers his mother walking with him across the sands to reach the water so it must be one of the houses he can see through the dunes: candy-coloured, gingerbread houses that all seem to miss just one memory that would otherwise make it his own. Today, when Nurse got distracted by Yvonne’s complaints about haemorrhoids or bed-sores or gout or whatever her ailment-de-jour was, John walked quietly through the door and made his way to the beach. Now he turns his back on the not-quite-right houses and stares out to see instead. Eventually they will find him and take him back, but for the minute he has the breeze in his face and his mother’s laugh in the lapping waves.

Ten Kewl Things About Liverpool.

1. The accents.
2. People are so nice. They are everywhere else in the UK, but for some reason (like the people who warn you to not take your eyes off your shoes in Liverpool, or you’ll lose them) you don’t expect them to be here.
3. The Cavern Club. It is so, so kewl. Great atmosphere, music, history, and you even feel okay to be there on my own-some.
4. The Tate. They had a couple of great exhibits at the time I visited: a sculpture exhibition put on in these vibrantly colourful rooms and a media artwork where a group of scouser(check) kids were being filmed in their reaction to Picasso’s Weeping Woman. They were both quite awesome.
5. The breadth of architecture—especially along the waterfront where amazing Victorian buildings with outlandish statuary mixed with modern architecture and juxtaposed with the Act Deco tunnel buildings.
6. The docks. I love boat-y areas of the world, and Liverpool’s has lots of charm (in town at any rate—walking out the next day along the river was a mix of sparkles and not). It beats our very own Docklands with its utilisation of existing buildings rather than all new. It has personality.
7. By extension—the river. Oh, fer-ry, ‘cross the Mer-sey … It’s a living legend in a way.
8. My room. Jury’s Inn down by the docks. This is personal but it made the stay even more fun. It was fancy, funky, huge and had an amazing view where I could lie on my bed and watch the Liverpool Eye out of my window. Hopefully they couldn’t watch me back.
9. Cains FA. The FA stands for Formidable Ale. It was. I had two at the Cavern Club—went down a treat.
10. The Lambananas. Eh? Apparently a Japanese artist made one to commemorate the cross trading between Japan and Liverpool—bananas for lamb. It is in effect a banana with a lamb’s head and legs. Liverpool did the same as Bath with its lions and Chester with its rhinos and had decorated Lambananas all around town. The city bought a few and they decorate parts of town permanently now.

Under Construction ...

Ten Chester Beauty Spots—And Why Do These Rhinos Keep Turning Up?

1. Roman Ampitheatre.
2. Roman Forum.
3. Cathedral.
4. Beer Garden.
5. By the Flower Man, Northgate Street.
6. Town Hall.
7. Eastgate Street.
8. Southgate, River Dee.
9. Northgate.
10. Chester Cross.

Under Construction ...

Ten Bad Song Lyrics—No, I Mean, Really, Really Bad.

Under Construction ...

Ten Guerrilla Sequins.

1. The Red Holme B&B, Welshpool: Curtain.
2. Bradford Arms Hotel, Llanymynech: Fake Flower Centerpiece.
3. The Red Lion, Ellesmere: Elephant Batik Mirror.
4. Larburnum House, Chester: Lamp Shade.
5. Park House, Cosby: Lace Chair Protector.
6. Acton House, Cheltenham: Jean-Claude Donqui.

Ten Really Odd Things About Brits.

1. They park on either side of the road, all higgledy-piggledy.
2. They memorise who arrived at the bus stop and in what order and then they board the bus accordingly.
3. They universally all own terrible shoes—and, unfortunately, they wear them.
4. They actively train their landlords (of pubs not rental properties). There is a strange importance to the customer being right that usurps the ownership of a business. This is exacerbated by the landlord often being from somewhere else. The work required for a landlord to be accepted in the countryside seems monumental.
5. They almost all seem to have some sort of obsession that occupies their leisure time: dogs, trains, Roman History, tanning, canals …
6. They still believe they are the head of a mighty empire. Look at their recent offer to absorb Ireland back into the fold because \of the latter’s financial crisis.
7. They chat to everyone—EVERYONE—on trains, buses, sidewalks, walking paths, hotels, public bathrooms, public spaces—everywhere.
8. They have the same relationship with dentists as I do. And teeth to match.
9. They are ever so nice, civil and wonderfully polite. Well, just some of them. It’s more noticeable in the country because the country has been washed over by the grey wave or retirees. Rudeness still occurs in cities—or London at least.
10. They need a license to have a TV. Can you imagine the test? Is there a written and a practical test? Does the guy from the license issuing centre come down and sit beside you on the couch while you try to operate the remote control?

Under Construction ...

Ten 'Where was I at noon's.

1. Climbing Stairs outside of Hergen, just after getting lost in a field that, unlike fields are supposed to be (ie. flat), was on a forty-five degree angle to the earth. Hence the forced smile.
2. Scaring sheep in Forden I. As opposed to scared sheep everywhere else in the country. The wearing of rain gear was a great way to keep the rain from actually falling from the sky.
3. Communing with cattle along the Severn River. I was actually petrified because the cattle were on the bull side of cow.
4. Amongst giant leaves along the Montgomery Canal. I was running late and the real ‘where I was’ was actually in a lovely backyard of a café eating cakes and drinking coffee—that would have been a nice photo. This one is an example of the politician chin extension.
5. Relieved after trying to get out of a farm near Halghton Lodge. It was one of those things where the path disappears and you end up alongside someone’s bathroom window unable to work out how on earth you will get out of their property. It is nerve wracking. Can you tell it from my fuzzy face?
6. Lazing in the grass beside the River Dee. This was a lovely walking day. The walking was enjoyable, the scenery lovely, the track off road for the most part, and I was looking forward to being able to have the afternoon off. A break in the walk involved having a lie in the grass. I can’t complain.
7. Cup of tea at Ellesmere Port. (Re-enactment) No one could contemplate the idea that I was walking to Liverpool. It was at least ten or fourteen miles to go! Okay, may not make it then seeing as I have already come three hundred odd.
8. Eating lemon brulee in a café in Liverpool. (Re-enactment) Lucky I could eventually get someone to serve me!
9. Amongst the crowd at the Highton pub. (Re-enactment) This was weird. One minute I was waiting at the pub for it to open; the next there were eight hundred other people also waiting. The food was not that good!
10. Waiting for a train at Liverpool Railway Station. (Re-enactment) I’m done. Wow. That was hard work. Need to check what is happening with my ankle and make sure my pack is a lot, lot lighter next time.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Ten Days of Walking Left: How Many Stiles/Gates Operated Per Day.

1. 77.
2. 45.
3. 56.
4. 12. (Can you tell this is the day I got off the Offa's Dyke Path?)
5. 10.
6. 13.
7. 3.
8. 0.
9. 1.
10. 1. (Kissing gate to nowhere on the outside of Liverpool Lime Street Station).

Ten Sheep Expressions.

1. Fearful (for 93 per cent of sheep this is the naturally occurring expressions).
2. Regurgitative (but always in a polite manner—they chew, or re-chew, with their mouths closed).
3. Alien bug-eyed (they do have odd bug irised eyes, admit it).
4. Angelic (it may be a need to burp).
5. Ungrateful (there is one main rescued sheep I have in mind here).
6. Demonic (sometimes they just look mean).
7. Surprised (that’s not surprising).
8. Indifferent (hmmm).
9. Bored (although it is easy to get this and number eight confused).
10. Inbred (is that even an expression?).

Under construction ...

Ten Groovy Names of Pubs.

1. George and Dragon—sounds like they kissed and made up, and then went for a beer.
2. Slug and Lettuce—another pair of adversaries, although in this case the odds seem a little one-sided.
3. The Spread Eagle—um, are you guys for real, or is it a notoriously bad pick-up-joint which coined a term for something else?

Friday, July 16, 2010

Ten Types of Barrier From One Field to Another.

1. Kissing gate.
2. Latch gate.
3. Gate in a gate gate.
4. Fabulous old cast iron gate.
5. Farmer’s swing gate: where you imagine farmers in gumboots shepherding herds from field to field, dogs in tow.
6. Wooden two-step stile.
7. Stone step stile.
8. V-stone, step-through stile.
9. A gate you open from a horse.
10. The old gate with no fence trick. It is more common than you would think. There is something about this that makes you want to go through the actual gate instead of around—unless it is more impractical to go around, in which case you can’t help but go the hard way.

Under Construction ...

Ten Profound Thoughts That Bubble Up Uncalled For on a Long Distance Walk.

1. Caterpillars have no grander purpose in mind in their ambling than now.
2. Cows have better personalities than sheep, and I think it is because they have smaller ears. I wrote this, probably, in an end-of-day stupor, and am now not sure if the they with the smaller ears is the cows or the sheep? I will let you make your own mind up on that.
3. It's a holiday—for goodness sake stop panicking and stressing about kilometers and about your guilt at not sleeping (not sleeping is right) out in a bush.
4. Life is short. Today I was walking along a road. Up ahead I could see a tiny little creature walking slowly across the road. In my rear I heard a too-fast car approach. I yelled for the creature to run, but it wasn't my place. Then it was dead. All I could do was take its tiny warm body off the road so that it didn't suffer the indignity of being squashed. That is life. If you don't take advantage of it now, it will be too late for regrets later—in an instant.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Under Construction ...

Ten Truly Awful Outfits Spotted on English Lassies and Laddies.

1. Blue cargos; horrible red hiking sandals; brown, orange, blue and white flowered tunic top—oh, sorry, just saw myself in a shop window.
2. There seems to be two immediate problems with the majority of women's outfits in this place: pattern clashing and ugly, old-people's shoes. This outfit (Female; approx. 45 yo) had an ankle length navy skirt with small florals all over it, teamed with a mint twin set and a delft china patterned jacket, all set off with skin coloured tights and open toed sandals that used to live in a nursing home. Sorry if I sound cruel, but I just don't understand what I keep seeing here.
3. (Male; approx. 60 yo) in an Emerald green suit jacket. he was just at the pub. this was worn with a hairdo like a monks tonsure that he had been growing out. This truly is Little Britain. We think it is funny; it actually is true—almost documentary.
4. (Female, approx. 35 yo), who had enormous fake boobs and no bra, wearing a red and white floral dress—in two patterns, one for the form of the dress and one for the weird wing like extensions on the front and back—silver lame three-quarter leggings and white and silver slip on sandals with the heel that is one piece of plastic folded under itself. I don't understand. People kept telling her how lovely she looked. She also has a cow hide bag with a tiny Italian greyhound in it.
5. The denim tracksuit is a no-no in any country, but this one was jeans and a full length denim coat. (Female; approx. 50 yo)