Ten Non-Standard (To Me) Names Used in Two Books On My Reading Pile At The Same Time.
1. Hiro: Japanese in origin, it usually means something along the lines of large, abundant or generous. Protagonist in Neal Stephenson's Snow Crash; the little thief king on the island in Elizabeth Gilbert's The Signature of All Things.
* This list is inspired, as usual, by something I read. (Reading possibly keeps me from doing some of the rest of life, but it does give me a good scrabble vocabulary). Someone was talking about the Bluebird of Death. This is what this list is for—rethinking the staid, upping the metaphor, breathing life into the cannon. (Good luck with it!)
1. Using a large wad of paper towel as a plug for the kitchen sink.
Reasons this is odd:
There is a plug in the bathroom—just ask.
You know you are not allowed to do dishes in someone else's house—offering is lovely but the offer has to be hollow (but not sound it).
You know about the wet paper phobia I have and the possible reaction that will ensue when I rush in to stop you washing the dishes and touch the aforementioned wad. Eeuouw. That is so gross.
2. Being a 'Large Load' outside a person's window.
Reasons this is odd:
People are not large loads.
Walking up and down outside someone's window at about four am, when it's dark and you are not actually expected for quite a few minutes more is a guaranteed way to scare the majority of their wits away for an extended time.
Ten Proofs-Positive That They are Making it All Up.
* There is a theory about my work that is very complicated. Try to stay with me here. We get paid by incoming call. To raise revenue, there are a group of people, hardly ever seen, who work from a back room in our building, whose job it is to make 'calls' to us that are basically just too ridiculous to be real. The jobs are so ridiculous that when they get to the people at the frontline they just cancel them and so 'real' jobs are not jeopardised. To justify themselves to management, thi group also performs a sort of training role. For this purpose there are microphones and cameras hidden in the backs of the white phones on our desks, thus pointing to the next desk around the pod. When you exacerbate about doing something wrong, they send you calls over and over for the same thing until you get it right, Also, they use these for inspiration for the jobs they have to make up: it is this latter influence that proves their existence and is catalogued forthwith. This is not a paranoid fantasy: It is too real for words. Here are the words anyway.
1. One day we were ridiculising about a white fluffy car called a Holden Merino. On a call close by I then heard someone saying 'There is no such car as a Holden Merino'. See?
2. We were talking about Max Brenner's hot chocolates in South Melbourne. My next job was on the corner of Clarendon and Dorset in South Melbourne. 'Outside Max Brenner's?' I asked. 'Exactly!' said the caller. Ha, ha, see?
3. After a discussion of the correct spelling of 'graffiti', my job list ran like this. Sus loiter, graffitiing something. Domestic, one party making rude graffiti about the other. Erratic driver, graffiti on his car. My house got graffitied last night. And so on. Are you getting this?
1. RIP Bodhi—you were the Best!
2. Bouncy Bodhi Boing! I will never forget you. D.
3. Bodhi was a beautiful dog as are all dogs. 'Dogs are the best people'.
4. 2010: Clean Slate. (Now 20101)
5. And Beyond
6. And they called her Lolli-pop.
7. Kellogs Corn Flakes and Milk. 'Yummy'.
8. Sore Back, Eek! }Play the violin for V——.
9. EEK equals Estonian Kroon.
10. B——, Charlie and Lolli are lovely ladies.
Ten Bruises Sustained in the Pursuit of the Perfect Kayak Outing.
1. Large back of the knee bruise from the attempt to perfect mounting the vessel.
2. This will sound rude, but in the pursuit of the above, a bruise to the hoo-haa. The boat moved at an inopportune moment.
3. A very small upper arm bruise: God only knows how it was sustained. It may be a sensitive spot as a similar bruise has subsequently appeared after a no-reason for it outing to a water slide park.
4. An extraordinarily large and incessantly painful and restricting bruise to the backside sustained when falling over in the tumultuous waters and landing on an exposed rock.
5. A twice-knocked killer to the shin. Technically you could possibly say this bruise if the result of an inability to learn a lesson. It was twice done as twice I stood on the shore side of a wave carried boat. I can say that lesson is now well learned.
Ten Books That Refer to Other Books That I Am, or Recently Did, or Soon Will Read.
1. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time (Mark Haddon) refers to James Gleick's Chaos: Making a New Science.
2. Peter Robinson's A Necessary End, refers to another book in my reading pile, The Mill on the Floss by George Eliot.
3. Snow Falling on Cedars by David Guterson makes a reference to Tolstoy's War and Peace.
4. Ripper by Isabel Allende references my recently finished read Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach. Great book(s).
Me? I like Pina Colada (but mainly if its made from white rum and strawberries) and getting caught in the rain (yeah, I just like that). I like lists, Scrabble and puppies, and semi-colons are my favourite punctuation (em dashes are a close second). You? I guess you just need to like hearing me waffle on!