Ten Ways I Will Cry If a Silly Volcano Spoils my European Holiday Plans by Stopping me From Getting There.

1. Tantrum style. Possibly sometime during 'the wait' at the airport; maybe in the Sugar Station shop where my flailing arms can be in the sour grape, watermelon (eeough), 'blue' (like that's a flavour?) and red (that's also a flavour) clouds if they can't get into the real ones. My tears will be rain. My cold broken heart the minus fifty degrees I should be flying through.
2. Catatonic style. Thumb sucking involved. I think I'll just sit down on the weighing machine at check in. That way the lack of movement of the luggage belt and my weight constantly showing on the scale where it should be dropping due to the hiking through the countryside that I am not doing (untangle that multi-negative) will ensure cata-stasis (the eternal continuation of a state of catonia).
3. Dramatic style. This involves a hand to the forehead for much of the time. It will also be loud so the most number of people possible can hear of my distress. There is no point being a drama queen without an audience. Possible location: mezzanine levels or overlooking balconies.
4. Boozy style. Good thing about airports (depending upon where I get stuck, and usually even then—I'm pondering Dubai in that statement) is that they'll have a bar. I can whet my whisky with tears, bore a poor barman with a red cloth, wiping down the counter, with tales of hardship and woe, and muscle fifeteen thousand other grounded passengers away from my leaning post.
5. Stubborn style. I'll refuse to move, refuse to wipe or blow my nose. I'll not take any offers of compensation. I'll stand with my arms crossed until I'm tired. Then I'll sit on my backpack with my arms crossed until I am exhausted. Then I will sleep in the middle of the airport queue, with my arms crossed until I am recovered enough to start again.
6. Staccato style. Very annoying to others as takes forever to make your pleas and missives. The annoyance factor may assist in other passengers putting you down as the person most likely to get on the plane first and out of here!
7. Clingy Style. Hanging off other people in the queue, crying and lamenting your lot in life. This mode of sadness involves getting too closely into other people’s personal space. Importantly though, this has to be all about me—in order to differentiate it from number 8.
8. The closely related Empathic style. Like clingy, empathic crying involves physical proximity and inappropriate touching. Unlike clingy, this is all about you. I understand, I am so sorry for you, I am sad to hear your story of woe and delayed travel plans.
9. Martyr style. 'No, no. You go first. This was just the biggest holiday event in my life, but it's okay. I'll wait in this airport, eating Macdonalds and Gloria Jeans coffee until it's basically time to go back to work. I'm used to disappointment. No, really, off you go.'
10. Solemnly Reflective Style. Oh, well. At least this way I don't have to feel guitly about CO2 emmisions. Or worry that I will crash on an island where weird things happen in underground bunkers. I won't have to get constipated in the bottom from bad airline food, or constipated in the nose from bad airline air. It'll be just as well. Humph!