Ten Holiday Related Poor V——'s.

*Warning: There are things in here you may not want to read. That is guaranteed to make you want to read—it's a car accident—but, let me reiterate, and don't say I didn't warn you, there are things in here you may not want to read.

1. Poor V——, I keep falling asleep while he is in the middle of a conversation with me.
2. Poor V——, I dragged him onto four roller coasters, a doomdrop—twice—a soaking wet water ride, and a Dr Suess carousel. I think he would have just preferred to stay on the Carousel of Progress.
3. Poor V——, I have discovered I am a control freak—it's not careful planning, it's calculated command.
4. Poor V——, we came over with sixteen condoms; we are going home with sixteen condoms. And on top of that, poor V——, he also recieved a lecture on adequate foreplay.
5. Poor V——, I am the Sugar Sheriff, I like to lecture: bad combination. And on top of that, poor V——, he is constatly offered some of the double chocolate dipped, sugar coated donut with sweetened cream and sprinkles (example) that I am scoffing. He eats bread and water, I have three of those for breakfast; his reading is eight-point-nine, mine is five-point-five.
6. Poor V——, he doesn't get to spend quality 'boys time' with Wes (see below). For example, when we were in Charleston, Wes went to a strip joint called 'Jugs and Beavers'. V—— didn't go. Just tell me. I didn't realise you wanted to go.

7. Poor V——, everytime he wanted to go to Burger King, I developed an allergy to the smell. I think he really did want to go there—he told me about that.
8. Poor V——, dialogue is literature, and I analyse/overanalyse literature for a not-for-profit living. No sentence, no comment, no throwaway line. is sacred.
9. Poor V——, he has to eat four anchovette sandwiches because he self-depricated. I was supposed to eat four peanut butter sandwiches because I self-depricated, but I was a better Skopa player that day and wiped my debt. Yay!
10. Poor V——, did he really understand what he was getting into when he said yes to this holiday.