Ten Heat Related Grumpinesses

1. The neighbours air-conditioning is too loud. You're grumpy because you don't have air-conditioning.
2. Jet skiis are endangering swimmers. You are grumpy because you are between the flags with fourteen thousand other swimmers and you suspect at least three children in your immediate vicinity have raised the water temperature with their urine.
3. People are breaking into the neighbour's pool. You're grumpy for a number of reasons--none of which include concern for your neighbour. Why does he have a pool and you don't anyway? Why didn't you think of that? You did think of it but you didn't have the chutz-pah to do it? You did think of it, but now a bunch of louts has beaten you to it.
4. Nakedness. You are grumpy because you feel the world doesn't deserve to see YOU naked. Also, all your natural fibre clothing is in the wash, so there is only man-made options in your wardrobe.
5. The power is out on a rotational system. Only your suburb feels like that song that comes up all the time, no matter how many times you reshuffle your i-pod.
6. No-one has slept for at least four days. You are grumpy because today alone you have experienced road, sidewalk, trail, photocopier, slurpy machine and fridge door rage.
7. Cold air blows from underground carparks of buildings burning fossil fuels to keep every room an icy twenty-two degrees.You are grumpy because you are unable gain access to your underground carpark through crowds camped out on sun-lounges taking in the breeze.
8. The grass is brown and prickly. You're grumpy because its marginally less painful to cross your lawn jumping from bindi to bindi.
9. There are 3A water restrictions in place. You are grumpy because it is impossible to run the tap long enough, within you daily allowance, to actually get cold water to flow.
10. And, lastly, you are just plain grumpy because movement means sweat, and the whole day is spent moving too and from the door to try and work out if it is hotter inside than out, or outside than in.