Ten Mad Products Discovered on Etsy Through Random Word Searches.

* A word is generated on a random word generator and then fed into Etsy. Hours of trawling later, this is what we get:

1. Random Word: Tortilla. Etsy: Ceramic flip flop ornament for your rear-view mirror. The variation of this great gift idea shown under this search criteria has a tortilla-like glazing. You can have these made with your company logo on them. Um, mad!
2. Random Word: Atheist. Etsy: Eight by ten print of the 'Holy Vagina'—what the artist calls a merging of two powerful female symbols. I like that she pre-empts customer (or more likely non-customer) complaints by trapping you in a two way negation of yourself: if you think the image is a desecration of an icon, then look at the desecration the Bible wreaks on women, and, if you denigrate the vagina in the image then you say that a vagina is 'dirty' or 'wrong'. You can't win this argument you didn't even get to have it seems. Um, mad!
3. Random Word: Northeast. Etsy: Twenty fours pieces of found 'seaglass' for twenty four dollars. Does craft extend to finding a piece of glass on the beach, washing it, working out what colour it is and putting it in that pile. It is Maine found: possible point of difference to glass located on beaches in other parts of the world. This is either entrepreneurial or, um, mad!
4. Random Word: Nasal. Etsy: A twenty-four carat gold Nose fridge magnet. I think even the maker believes it's an item with some inherent oddness when he begins his description with: 'Lord love a duck, it's a gold nose magnet'.
5. Random Word: Sow. Etsy: A knitting pattern for a rather strangely shaped sow (I didn't recall how many meaning sow can have) with press studs on her belly onto which you can attach her suckling piglets. It just doesn't look like it it too far from her and her littl'ens to the sausage factory.
6. Random Word: Gage. Etsy: Fantasy Tooth Fairy Not for the Squeamish. This ceramic sculpture of not-known-what usefulness and questionable beauty is a head with large teeth supported by what looks like testicles. The tooth fairy has no standard manifestation in the imagination, but this is not even near to what I would begin to imagine.
7. Random Word: Thorn. Etsy: Rose and thorn ball stretcher. No, this is not a devise that makes your tennis balls more pliable—they are talking about your testicles. And, I feel a little jibbed because it is actually a rose and barbed wire design.
8: Random Word: Drench. Etsy: Um, okay. A set of three lip balms dedicated to the Kardashian sisters and titled Juicy Rear Lip Smear (watermelon), Hot Mama Lip Drama (cucumber and melon), and SExy Wench Lip Drench (acai berry). I think I would feel that my lips were not where these products were intended to be used. Is that just me?
9. Random Word: Bawl. Etsy: A vial containing two rabbit testicles. The seller suggest they would make a good buy for a science teacher teaching reproduction,or a break up present for the ex. I am sure we would get fewer domestic calls about exes if they received one of these on the demise of their relationship. Also recommended as that something for someone who has everything.They were harvested off a dead bunny, found,in case you are wondering.
10. Random Word: Jerking. Etsy: Shower Art. A waterproof, rubber,collage with astroturf background, a pink robot toys arm bended up with a fist and a series of buttons spelling out 'Jerk It'. The random word was, no matter what you think, random, but also nearly one hundred percent guaranteed to get a good selection of hits. This is actually quite funny and a postmodern art work for its location. I think I'll buy one.